


Leveling Up

by newyorktopaloalto



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Accidental Killing of Birds, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Ensemble Cast, Gen, Humor, Useless Powers, unexpected powers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 11:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17980778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: Diego calls an important meeting - Luther, the asshole, immediately tries to usurp his news.





	Leveling Up

**Author's Note:**

> Idea from anon meme. Just a bit of fun - I love Luther lol, and Diego. 
> 
> Disclaimer: don't own, so please don't sue. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!

Allison was the first to speak—the moments of silence after Diego's announcement lingering over the group like a light smog. 

“I can't believe I drove from the city for this.”

Five's snort of agreement, despite living at the very mansion where the meeting was currently being held, was hardly heard over the whirr of him starting to blend the margaritas he was making for everyone excluding Diego, who was sipping at a glass of water with a vaguely disgusted expression. 

“I'm glad you didn't die?” Klaus offered from the chaise, snorting at whatever Ben's reply must have been. 

“Okay, but that's the point!” Diego's pointed gesturing was felled slightly by the fact that as soon as he moved his arm, drops of water flung themselves away and onto the fabric of the carpet that Grace had not allowed him on. 

“Are you saying you wish that you'd died?” If Diego didn't know any better, he would have taken Luther's dry amusement as actual concern; because, however, Diego saw Luther's raised brows and pursed lips, he understood that he was just being made fun of. 

“That _does_ remind me, though...” Luther trailed off. 

Diego then, cut off from arguing his point further, held his pose in irritation instead: mouth slightly open, arms akimbo, and shivering from the simple fact that he had refused to change out of his slowly drying clothing for the last three hours. 

“Oh, it reminds you? Reminds you of what, Luther?” he asked facetiously, as soon as he realized Luther's statement wasn't going to be anything more than leading. “Does it remind you of the moon? Huh, Spaceboy—does my not having to breathe underwater remind you of the moon?” 

“Well, no, it's just—I found out that I have a power too.” 

“Oh my God, Luther, wow,” Klaus said, his faux enthusiasm plain to the room at large. 

“What's the power?” Five interrupted before Klaus could say anything to make the situation worse. 

“I can fly.” 

There was a long pause before Vanya's 'fly?' echoed around the room. It was shortly then overpowered by a cacophony of voices, all speaking over one another in order to be heard first. 

“When did you learn about this power?” 

Luther didn't answer Five immediately, focusing his gaze instead on Allison who was holding a margarita tightly in one hand and the collar of her jacket with the other. The look turned pleading, and Allison gave off a little shrug that didn't do much to say anything in particular. Scoffing at their antics, Diego shot a look off at Vanya, who was in turn staring between he and Luther as though they were a particularly interesting tennis match—none of them had ever played tennis, and Vanya was more likely to use a musical analogy, but Diego figured that his point still stood. 

“I did think it was a moon thing, at first,” Luther admitted after it became patently obvious that no one else was going to speak until he did. “And then it happened again just last week. On Earth. I was waiting for everyone to be here to say anything.” 

“So, what? You jumped and just started flying?” Allison's question was incredulous, and both Vanya and Klaus let out snorts at her deadpan tone. 

“There was... more to it than that,” Luther said, and Diego couldn't hold in his scoff anymore. 

“Because that's _so_ helpful, Luther.” 

“Yeah, more than holding my breath, knife guy.” 

Scoffing again, Diego leaned against the bar and narrowed his gaze at their erstwhile Number One. 

“Right now? I can think up at least twenty plans in which the linchpin would involve holding my breath underwater—that's all I'm saying. Sewer? Check. Lake? Check. Pretending to be dead in a bathtub? Checks in spades, baby.

“But flying?” A pitying look to where Luther was standing, bemused at the sudden tirade. “What are you going to do with flying? Do criminals fly? I don't think they do. Useless power, Luther, and your aerodynamics with that ape body? Yeah, buddy, try another number because the one you reached is out of service, am I right?” 

He looked around the room at his siblings who mostly just seemed absorbed in the contents near the bottom of their respective glasses. 

Diego's second 'am I right?' tapered off when no one seemed inclined to answer him. 

“Ben says that they're both pretty useless powers—at least, you know, in comparison.” 

“Thank you, Klaus, not at all helpful,” Luther said, glowering as both Klaus and Five let out drunken giggle-snorts at him crossing his arms against his chest in emphasis. 

“I bet you a hundo that you've killed a bird by accident.” 

A blink. 

A second blink. 

Three blinks went by before Luther even opened his mouth. 

“He hasn't killed a bird,” Allison said in reply for him, giving Diego a look that he could only interpret as 'what the actual fuck?' While undoubtedly a good look on her, he was more concerned by Vanya's nod of agreement—that, he couldn't help but feel a little betrayed by. 

“I—” Luther started, shutting his mouth only at Allison's 'don't even bother indulging in his childish behavior, he's just jealous because he used to wish he could fly.'

“I did not!” Diego insisted hotly, despite knowing that every single person in the room, both living and dead, could give specific examples contesting that very statement. 

“You had Captain Marvel comics hidden in your bed frame until you were, like, fifteen,” Vanya said. 

“I didn't—you—I—you said you wouldn't tell anyone that, Vanya!”

Vanya's reply was cut-off by Luther clearing his throat. 

“It was an accident.” 

Diego shut his mouth with an audible click. 

"Oh... My God." 

Vanya choked on a laugh. Allison's eyes went a little wide. 

“Mom!” 

“Diego, don't, come on, man,” Five tried to intervene. 

“Mom!” The shout was louder and Diego started making his way across the room. “Mom, Luther killed a bird! He learnt to fly to kill birds!”

“It was an accident,” Luther insisted, tone becoming more agitated the longer Diego continued to yell and the longer Allison continued to stare, blank, at the spot Diego and Luther had been a few moments previously. 

“Mom! Luther's killing birds as part of his new power!” 

“I'm not killing—it was an _accident_. It was the one time, and it was an accident.” 

“Did you give it a burial?” Klaus asked, sardonic, before stretching out and flipping them a laconic peace sign as he started to wend his way, most likely, to the kitchen. 

“Maybe,” Luther replied, a flush making its way up his cheeks as Klaus' laughter trailed on even after he had left the room. 

“Mom!” Diego continued to shout, standing at the foot of the stairs. “After Luther kills the birds, he buries them in the backyard! How sick is that? Our yard is infested with the corpses of small birds that Luther's killed!” 

“This is why I drink,” Five muttered to himself, mixing up another margarita batch in hopes of drowning out the noise of his siblings. “Also why I don't hold meetings when I find out about new powers.” 

“It's like they don't understand that we just don't care all that much,” Allison replied. 

“Amateurs,” Vanya agreed, taking a place next to Five at the bar stool. 

“Like you're one to talk.” 

“No, you,” Vanya replied, and Five raised his empty glass in validation. Allison snorted. 

None of them were really the ones to talk, but Diego and Luther always seemed to be doing it anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo 
> 
>  
> 
> feel free to contact me at newyorktopaloalto@mail.com, or at newyorktopaloalto on dreamwidth.


End file.
